I gotta dance! August 22, 2008
Posted by bluewendigo in Writing.Tags: Awesomeness, Dancing, Google Dance, Party
4 comments
I went to the Google Dance this week. For those of you who don’t know, during a conference called Search Engine Strategies, Google hosts a dance/party on their campus for all of SEO/Internet marketing professionals.
The party is huge, it’s basically thousands of search engine professionals attending the conference and every Google employee.
Free food, free t-shirt, games, volleyball, etc.
They had a dance floor outside. I just had to dance.
I’m awesome!
Jason
Smoke and Mirrors August 15, 2008
Posted by bluewendigo in Sports.Tags: China, Deceit, magic, Olympics, The Prestige, Tricks
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While watching the Olympic games held in China, I am reminded of a scene during the movie “The Prestige”. In this scene a little girl watches a magic trick. A bird is in a cage, a cloth is placed over the cage and then the magician slams the cloth down and the bird and the cage disappear underneath the cloth.
The girl cries, thinking the bird is killed, but then the magician shows her the bird and she is happy again. Then things turn really dark when they show you the trick behind the magic. The bird is flattened in a trap door in the table between the bars of the cage, in a ruffled, bloody mess. The sick part is they do this trick night after night after night.
So as I watch the Olympics, I was impressed by the opening ceremonies. They were spectacular. The venues have been amazing. The hosts have been gracious. It looks like a picture perfect Olympics.
Except their gymnasts aren’t 16yrs old like the rule states, aided in their ruse by the whole government of China.
Except the 9 year old who sang at the opening really didn’t sing. And the one who did was too ugly to put on t.v.
Except all the homeless people they kicked out of apartments etc. to build venues.
Except for all the human rights violations happening beyond the walls of the Olympic city.
It’s a good magic trick, it’s a great show. But I keep finding feathers floating around.
Jason
Strategies of breaking wind in the workplace August 13, 2008
Posted by bluewendigo in 1.Tags: Cubicle, Farts, Gross, Office, Stinky, Work
2 comments
Some people have no problems floating an air biscuit in public, even a loud one. However, for the rest of you who are worried about it, I have some simple strategies for emitting flatulence in a covert way in the workplace.
The Rule of Three – Always float a silent loaf in a crowd of three or more. In a crowd of two, you and the other person both know who did it, in three or more everyone except you is left guessing and if confronted, you can say it wasn’t you and then everyone is left guessing on who is lying.
The Drive By – Sometimes you don’t have a place to blast and air dookie, so you have to walk by a set of cubicles and release slowly and then quickly vacate the area. Try not to be seen as you move through the space. If done well, you can spark a fight in the cubicle area after you are gone on who let the skunk out of the bag.
Avoid the Detectives – As you apply the rule of three, keep in mind that the more you release toxic DNA into the office, the more you can be fingered as the culprit. A smart savvy co-worker may begin to find you as the common thread. “Everytime I’m in a group and there is a cheek leak, Jason is always around!” Try to avoid this scenario!
The Reverb – Try not to pop off when sitting on a chair. If you have to, wait for the timing to coincide with another sound, like the phone ringing or announcements over the intercom. If you really have to let go and you can’t hold it, use the fire alarm, but only as a last resort! The smell might make people believe it’s a real fire and call the fire department.
The Cubicle Inversion – Remember! Be on the move, don’t toil in your own stink. The cubicle walls act as a valley and hold the smell in. If someone comes by to talk to you, they may pass out and bodies lying around your workspace are a sure sign that you are cutting the cheese.
I hope this helps my flatulent readers.
Jason
“Night Games” August 11, 2008
Posted by bluewendigo in Writing.Tags: Childhood, Games, magic, summer
2 comments
My nine year old daughter asks if she could stay out until 10pm, the kids in the neighborhood are playing “night games”.
As soon as she mentions “night games” i can’t say no. Torrents of memories crash over me as I remember past “night games” that i played.
We played a game that took up the whole length of the street. We were prisoners of war and we needed to collect certain items from different houses that made up our “escape kit”, things like berries from the Ferguson’s, a piece of bark from the Lambert’s or a rock from the Bradley’s.
Once your kit was assembled, you had to make your way to the escape zone, all the while avoiding guards patrolling the street with flashlights.
We took this seriously, hopping fences, hiding in the dirt under bushes, sometimes tearing our clothes, sometimes bleeding from scratches, all of it adding to the realistic adventure that we were experiencing.
The summers were full of promise, the days were long and the world was simple. In that moment was enchantment, an elusive sort of magic like trying to catch a whisper on the wind, or bottle children’s laughter or glimpse some of the fairy-folk in the twilight, the fading hours between day and night when all magic seems to happen.
All a kid needed was a bike and nothing to do, there were fields to cross like boundaries to a little kingdom. Promises were made to friends to be true forever, imaginary enemies were fought and overcome as a team of scrubby little youths with holes in our jeans and worn out tennis shoes, treasures were discovered and lost again. We roamed the streets at night like phantoms of innocence, finally crashing in our beds at late hours only to awake and start the process all over again.
*Sigh* I have to go back to work.
Jason
It’s the end of the world as we know it August 5, 2008
Posted by bluewendigo in Monsters.Tags: Apocalypse, Demons, End of the world, Monsters
5 comments
So at work, we commonly refer to the end of the world as EOTW. And as my friends know, my favorite EOTW scenario is the zombie apocalypse.
Anyway, if you are looking for signs that the EOTW is upon us, i have a few right here.
Hell dog from the abyss
And here…
Furry dragon hellmonster from the abyss
Furry hellmonster
The ocean abyss is coughing up all sorts of hellish monsters. These are the ones that have died, how many more have made it ashore alive?
Dopplegangers, Krakkens, dragons, devil-dogs, demons, vampires, succubi, harpies, and who knows what else could be living amongst us.
Let this be a warning, i don’t want to have to say I told you so.
Jason
Men, Women and reading August 4, 2008
Posted by bluewendigo in Writing.Tags: Books, men, Reading, Twilight, Vampires, women, Writing
5 comments
So my friend Jenny has a blog called “Date Jenny” (datejenny.com) and I actually think you can date her, I’m not sure what the sign up process is, but if you are single, it’s worth checking out.
Anyway, on her blog recently there has been an interesting conversation about why we read, what we choose to read and people who read books and can’t put them down when they start to suck because they have trained themselves to believe that they must finish what they started. I do not subscribe to this point of view.
But I did start to wonder why I read the books I read and why women read the books they read.
Specifically mentioned was the “Twilight series” that is really popular right now. Every girl I know in the world is all giddy with excitement over this series.
For those of you who do not know, let me sum up! A girl in high school falls in love with a vampire in high school but they can’t be together (oh the angst!) because the vampire wants to eat her but he can’t because he loves her at the same time.
This is sappy, romantic utter female fare. Someone asked me if I would read it, knowing my liking of Sci Fi and Fantasy. I asked, “How many people does the vampire kill? Do they kill the vampire? What’s the body count?”
A similar thing happens when my wife brings home a chick flick. “Are there any explosions? What’s the body count? Are there any robot battles?” etc.
Why is it that men and women are so different? As far as I can tell, women are very socially oriented, they are all about relationships, so they like to read books about relationships and how people struggle with them.
Men are geared towards problem solving and like to read books about problems and the characters struggle to solve them. I’m sure it’s deeper than that, but I don’t know why.
I’ve even tried reading female authors and have had very little success in finding any that I like.
I might read Twilight, if the vampire was killed by a pack of werewolves and the girl decided to get revenge by going on a murderous rampage. Then I might pick it up.
Stay tuned, I may have some thoughts on how to improve Sense and Sensibility as well.
Jason
